LOVE = (DISTANCE+COMPASSION) - JUDGEMENT
~ Bert Hellinger
It’s the most natural thing in the world to want to be there and support those we care about, and vice versa want their support in return.
Sometimes though this leads to over-helping which can result in exhaustion, frustration and resentment. Not only for the helper but also the person being ‘helped’.
Support doesn’t always mean proximity!
Sometimes it means creating space, restraining from helping others to enable them to step into their own strength, and not rob them from their own experience.
Health for both sides, is being in the right place, at the right distance, respecting and trusting each other, providing the support that is beneficial to the one being supported, not the need or desire of the supporter.
If we are trying to help someone who doesn’t need our help, then it is us who needs help, Bert so wisely said. (Phwooar, that truthbomb hit me hard when I first heard it, being a recovering over-helper)
We can only give what we have, and only take what we need.
A way to check in when you believe someone is struggling is to have the conversation about how to best support, and also check in with yourself how much capacity and energy you have to offer
🧡 How can I support you?
🧡 Does the support you are being offered feel supportive or suffocating?
🧡 Does it feel strengthening or weakening?
Be curious, listen and trust.
This lays the foundation of any healthy relationship, whether personal or work-related, voicing your needs, communicating your physical, energetic & emotional boundaries and what support looks and feels like.
I'd love to hear what support looks and feels like to you?